Them? Who's Them? Phoebe and Joey
by Peanuts
Summary: A one shot on my take of what might have happened when Joey forgot he agreed to set Phoebe up with a date and then tried to pass off Mike as someone he'd known since high school. From the TOW The Pediatrician. Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoy! :-)


Hi! I preface this one shot by saying that I was fine with Phoebe and Mike ending up together on the show, but I can't help but think that if the "Joey" spinoff didn't happen, maybe he and Phoebe would have ended up together?

Anyway, this is my take on the TOW The Pediatrician, when Phoebe met Mike.

Hope you enjoy. Thanks for taking the time to read!

PS The title came from TOW Everyone Finds Out. I always loved the way Joey said, "Phoebe… and Joey" when Chandler asked him "Them? Who's them?" LOL!

* * *

Them? Who's Them? – Phoebe…and Joey

Phoebe Buffay fumed as she marched, unannounced and unexpectedly, into Monica and Chandler Bing's apartment and unceremoniously plopped herself down on their white couch and screeched in total frustration.

"Phoebe," Chandler said, acknowledging her presence while giving his wife Monica a questioning look.

She shrugged and rose from the kitchen table where they had been dining and joined her friend.

"Phoebe, what's wrong?"

"Joseph Francis Tribbiani, that's what's wrong!" she declared.

"Okay, um, what did Joey do?"

Phoebe shook her head, still in disbelief, as she hugged herself and rocked back and forth for a few minutes and then exhaled a deep breath. She stared straight ahead while she spoke.

"We planned to set each other up and double date. At Central Perk, we both said we thought we were ready for a more serious relationship with someone. I find a really nice and sweet woman for him who would still give him what he wants, even though I was hoping he would see that I was talking about…"

"What?"

"Never mind," she said quickly when she realized what she had been about to reveal. "He just…he…"

"He what?" Monica coaxed.

"He set me up with a total stranger from the coffeehouse. Can you believe that?!"

"Well, it is Joey," Chandler offered, having moved to stand near the sofa. "I'm shocked he could even say the words 'serious relationship.' At least with a straight face."

His response was met with an icy stare from the attractive blonde who was in no mood for Chandler's quips.

"Okay, I'm done," he said, taking the hint.

"Did he say why he brought a man he didn't know?" Monica asked.

"He said he forgot we had made plans. I came to his apartment earlier because I wanted to show him what I was wearing and to find out a little more about the date he was arranging for me. He never said anything, except the man's name was Mike. And then he found someone named 'Mike' at Central Perk and tried to make it seem like they had been best buds since high school!"

"Wow, talk about your classic screw-ups," Chandler said, even as he tried not to comment on or snicker at how Joey-like the whole thing sounded.

"Honey," Monica said, looking at her husband, "you're not helping."

"I know. I'm sorry. It's just that…well, you know…it's…"

"I know, it's Joey!" Phoebe yelled in a mocking tone. "Would you stop saying his name?!"

"Speaking of the one who shall not be named," Chandler said, grabbing his jacket from the hook on the wall near the door because he knew when he was not wanted or his attempt at levity appreciated, "I'm gonna see if I can find him."

Once Chandler left the apartment, Monica focused all of her attention on her hurting friend.

"It sounds really bad," she said.

"It was. It was humiliating. I'm talking to a guy who is cute and seems nice and smart, and he and Joey are totally playing me for a fool."

Monica brushed the hair away from her friend's face that was still slightly red with anger.

"For what it's worth, I bet Joey feels really bad about this."

"I don't care, Monica," she said, rising from the couch. "Why didn't he just tell me he had forgotten? He saw how excited I was. Why? Why did he think he could just drum up some imposter and make me think he had given some serious thought, or any kind of thought for that matter, into finding a great guy for me? I don't get it."

"Because he's Joey?" Monica offered.

"Taking lessons from your husband?" Phoebe snapped.

Monica shrugged, trying not to be offended. She knew her friend was in pain. But something Phoebe said earlier intrigued her, and she had to ask her to elaborate.

"Phoebe, why did you go to Joey's to show him what you were wearing? Why did what he thought about your dress, which is lovely by the way, matter to you?"

"That's not the point, Monica. I just…I wanted…I wanted to check in with him. That's all."

"Okay," Monica said, letting her faulty reasoning slide. "So what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to confront him, of course," she replied. "But right now I can't look at him. I am so angry and so hurt. And I've never felt that way about Joey. Ever."

The truth of those words almost made her cry. Her heart literally ached.

* * *

Chandler crossed the hall and opened Joey's apartment door. He decided to wait for his friend to return so he could talk to him. He jumped and took a step back when he saw Joey standing behind the door, looking like he didn't know whether to run or hide.

"How mad is she?" he asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"You know Phoebe is in our apartment?" Chandler said.

Joey nodded. "I followed her here, without her knowing, of course."

"Of course. Because if she knew you were behind her, she would have maimed you!"

Joey nodded again, looking crestfallen. "Probably. I messed up big time, Chandler, and I'm not sure I know how or if I can make this right. What the hell have I done?"

"Sit down," Chandler said, motioning towards the recliner.

Joey sat down; Chandler pulled up a stool and sat across from him.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he asked.

"I wasn't," Joey admitted. "I panicked."

"Why don't you start from the beginning?"

"This whole stupid thing started when Phoebe and I were at the coffeehouse a few days ago. Everything was fine. We were talking about how you and Monica are married and trying to have a baby. Ross and Rachel were there with Emma, and she and I mentioned how it seemed like we were all growing up. After Phoebe made a funny comment about me because I laughed at the doctor's weird name when Rachel said it, I sat next to her and told her that after my experience with Rachel, I thought maybe I was ready for a more serious relationship. We agreed to set each other up and go on a double date."

"And then you promptly forgot all about it?"

"No, not exactly."

"Talk to me, Joe. What are you saying?"

"I'm saying…I'm saying I sorta quickly went through the names of some of the guys I know, and…"

"And what?"

"And I didn't think any of them were good enough for Phoebe. Okay?"

Chandler sat up straighter on the stool and smiled. "Really? Well, now, isn't this an interesting turn of events."

"Whaddya talkin' about and wipe that silly grin off your face. I'm in trouble, Chandler. I don't want Phoebe to be mad at me. She's never been mad at me, even when we didn't have the best cross-country drive from Vegas, and I know what she's capable of when she's angry. You should hear the things she says about you and Ross."

"Hello," Chandler said.

"Sorry. But you know this."

"Yeah, okay," Chandler said and shrugged. "What are you gonna do?"

"I'll just keep apologizing until she forgives me or at least talks to me."

"Yeah, because that'll work. I wanna ask you something."

"What?"

"You couldn't think of one guy you thought Phoebe would like or could spend one evening with? C'mon, Joe. What is up with that?"

"I don't know," Joey said, sounding a bit defensive as he rose from the chair. "I thought about it for like five minutes, and then I forgot all about it. Which is why I'm in trouble."

"Did you really forget or did you purposefully forget?" Chandler challenged.

Joey gave him a confused look. "Dude, what're you talkin' about?"

Chandler stood. "You're not getting out of this so easily, my friend. I think you knew exactly what you were doing tonight."

Joey narrowed his gaze and folded his muscular arms in front of him. "You think I wanted Phoebe to be angry with me? Are you crazy? I thought you knew me. Why the hell would I ever want to get on Phoebe's bad side? Did you not hear me say what she says about you when she's mad?"

"This is not about me. This is about you. I think you wanted an opportunity to screw up so you could make it up to her."

Joey held up his hands. "You have totally lost me."

"I don't think I have. You know you should have told Phoebe you had forgotten about the double date and you chose not to. You know she would have understood and probably appreciated your honesty. You keep saying you know how Phoebe is; so you, of all people, should've known how badly she'd react to this lame scheme of yours. Yet, you did it anyway."

"Because I thought I would get away with it. It was supposed to be for a couple of hours. No harm, no foul."

"During which time you were going to have to pretend and lie, which you stink at, by the way, to one of your closest and best friends with a man you had just met. You had no idea if he would sell you out."

"Yeah, well, he did. Otherwise, it would've worked."

"And now Phoebe's furious with you, and you have to find a way to make it up to her. On some level, I think you wanted this opportunity."

"Chandler," Joey said, exasperated, "you, of all people, know this. Joey doesn't have another level!"

"That's where I think you're kidding yourself. Think about it, Joe. Something else is going on here whether you want to admit it or not. Why did you even mention wanting a more serious relationship to someone like Phoebe to begin with?"

With a satisfied smirk that he had struck a nerve and therefore his job was done, Chandler left Joey to think about what he had just said.

* * *

Phoebe stood when Chandler entered the apartment.

"Did you find him?"

She practically pounced.

"Yeah," Chandler said. "He's across the hall."

"Are you sure you wanna do this now?" Monica asked. "Maybe you should wait until morning."

"No," Phoebe said, reaching for the purse she had carelessly tossed onto the couch. "I need to get this over with. He will know how angry I am."

"I think he already does," Chandler said.

"He feels bad?" she asked through gritted teeth. "Good. I'll make sure he feels real bad before I'm through with him."

"This is not going to be pretty," Monica said once Phoebe had exited their apartment.

* * *

A determined but slightly shaking Phoebe stood in front of Joey's apartment door and prepared herself for one of the toughest and maybe roughest conversations of her life. She adored Joey and loved hanging out with him. He never failed to make her laugh and smile. He was so sweet and nice and kind to her. She had to know why he had thought, on any level, it would be okay to set her up with someone he didn't know and then lie about it. He had to have known that something like that would crush her, didn't he? Yes, she was tough because she'd had to be and sometimes she came across as a bit brash and unfeeling, but still, he, of all people, knew how vulnerable and sensitive she could be, didn't he? Did their years of friendship mean so little to him?

Joey heard the click of the door and knew the next face he saw would be a very upset and angry Phoebe. He didn't have to wait long.

"Phoebe," he began, as soon as she had stepped into the apartment. "I am so sorry. So, so, so very sorry. Tell me what I can do to make things right between us. Please. I'll do anything. You name it, and it's done. Whatever you want. Whenever you want. Wherever you want."

"Uh-huh," she said, nodding but not revealing much else about how she was feeling. "And why are you sorry?"

"Because I messed up. Big time. I should've never tried to pass that guy off as someone I knew."

"What should you have done?"

"Told you I had forgotten about our plans," he said, sounding very contrite and looking at her with puppy dog eyes. "I am so sorry, Phoebe. I don't know what I was thinking."

"I never expected something so heartless and cruel from you, Joey Tribbiani. I thought you were my friend and someone I could count on. Really count on. And you let me down big time. I am so angry with you. I was humiliated at the restaurant. Absolutely humiliated!"

"I know," he said, taking a tentative step closer to her, wanting to plead his case and beg for mercy.

She backed away.

"You can't look at me like a lost little boy and apologize profusely and offer to do things for me and think everything will be okay, Joey, because it won't."

"I know. I'm a horrible person. I am, Phoebe. But you know how much I care for you. I hate that I've done this to you. If I could undo it, I would. I swear. I want you to say you can forgive me. Okay, not now, but sometime. Please, Pheebs? I really need to know that at some point we'll be okay again. I don't know what I'll do if you're not in my life. I'm serious. I mean that with all my heart."

"I didn't even want to do the stupid double date thing. I only went along with it because you seemed so interested. I thought I was doing something nice for you, and then you do this to me? To me!"

Joey looked at Phoebe with knitted brows. "Wait. What? What…what do you mean you didn't want to do the fixing up thing? It was your idea."

"I know," she said, mentally kicking herself for saying too much.

"Phoebe, what's going on with you? What don't _I _know about?"

"We're getting off topic," she said, clearly irritated. "This is about me yelling at you."

"Sure. Go ahead and yell. But something else is going on. With you. Why did you suggest something you didn't want to do?"

She looked away, but she felt Joey's dark brown and oh so sexy eyes boring into her. She knew she was going to have to say something.

"I was caught up in the moment. When you were talking about how we were all growing up and you looked so frigging adorable eating your muffin and cracking up about that doctor's silly name, I thought…I mean I saw…I mean I wanted…oh, hell, Joey, I thought you were going to ask me out!"

A palpable shift occurred in the tension that had permeated the room since Phoebe entered. Joey crossed to stand in front of her and cupped her chin with his fingers and forced her to look at him. Their eyes met and held, and for the first time that evening, Joey saw something other than anger and hurt in the beautiful blonde's expressive blue eyes. He saw want? Need? Desire?

"That was my intention," he said, sounding very mature and very sincere.

Phoebe shook her head. "You can't tell me that. You could say anything now. The truth is in what you did, Joey, not what you tell me to try to make things better between us."

"I can prove it," he said, realizing he had an opportunity and wanting to take full advantage of it.

"How?" she challenged, squaring her shoulders, ready to battle him even as she knew he was trying to wear her down.

And that he was succeeding.

Before Phoebe had a chance to react, Joey pulled her into his strong arms, planted his hungry lips on her surprised ones and kissed her thoroughly and completely and so very delectably before she came to her senses and pulled away from him.

"What are you doing?" she practically screamed, even as her lips tingled and her insides awakened at the deliciousness of him.

"What I should've done earlier tonight and many nights before now," he said, reaching for her again.

"No, Joey, stop. This isn't what I want."

"Isn't it?" he asked, not unkindly. "Look, Phoebe, I know I messed up big time, but we have danced to this tune before. I think Chandler's right. I think maybe I did this on purpose. Not to make you mad but to tell you what I'm about to say."

"Which is what?" Phoebe asked, trying her hardest to hold on to her anger and not faring very well.

If he just didn't look so damn charming and irresistible, and she didn't want him right there. Right now.

"No guy is good enough for you, Phoebe Buffay. Especially the ones I know. I wanted it to be me in the coffeehouse, but when you pulled out your address book and seemed excited about being fixed up with someone; I went along with it because I thought I was making you happy. Except I couldn't do it, but I didn't realize the truth of why this happened until a little ago."

"Don't lie to me, Joey," Phoebe said, her heart pounding and her legs growing weak. "This is way too important. Please tell me that you're being honest with me. Because if you aren't…"

"I am," he said, his voice almost trembling. "I swear I am. I want you, Phoebe. I want you to be with me. Only me."

Phoebe placed her hand near her heart and emitted a soft cry.

"I can't believe this. I want to be with you, too. I wanted you to be talking about me at Central Perk. I didn't want to fix you up with one of my loser friends. I wanted to be the one you wanted to get serious with."

"I want that, Phoebe," he said, and he had never been more serious or honest in his life. "I want you."

They came together again, only this time with anticipation and excitement, not anger and hurt feelings. The kiss was softer and less rough but no less intense than the first one had been, although Phoebe wasn't opposed if Joey wanted to take things a little harder and faster. As long as it was Joseph Francis Tribbiani who was taking the lead, she knew she would be fine.

And that realization made her smile.

As he continued to ravish her now warm and wet lips and they made their way to the recliner, Phoebe stopped him for just a moment, even though it was the last thing she wanted to do.

"You do realize I am going to hold you to your promise that you will do whatever I want whenever I want and wherever I want, right?"

Joey grinned, even as he had to wonder exactly what he had just gotten himself into and whether he had spoken those words too hastily and then, without hesitation when he realized it really didn't matter because it was her, he pulled Phoebe down with him onto the recliner so they could get comfortable. Very comfortable.

"Baby, I wouldn't have it any other way."

THE END! :-)


End file.
